Tough couple of weeks hopefully over…

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It feels like a long time since i was last on my blog but its always there at the back of my mind so here goes, last post was about my lovely grandma and i was very upset when i posted well things have settled down a little, and iv had some great news she is going in the home in 3 weeks. Im not exactly sure how I’m feeling about it just yet a massive part of me will be lost iv been with her everyday for 12 months, but on the other hand its time to spread my wings and get enjoying life again if thats even possible.! Wow its been a pressured two weeks infact its been hectic, iv had that many things going on in my head i feel like iv completely lost track of my health anxiety, now this may sound really weird but i don’t feel to bad with my mental health I’m quite aware that this is due to not having time to even think about it. STOP, lesson to be learned here even when the pressure is quite heavy it still takes me away from that constant nagging of worry its so much better to be busy and under a bit of pressure than sat on my bed in a pit of worry. Thats in theory!!

Iv still got loads of physical stuff going on in my body il give you a short list-

-dizzyness
-tingling on my head
-headache (everyday)
-chest pain (all over)
-breathlessness
-sore jaw
-stiff neck and shoulders (right side really bad)
-The good old “lump in the throat”
-massive problems with my eyes
-sore tongue

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As you can imagine the list is that long we would be all night :). I think its as downting for me as it is for my nan, I’m going to make sure i go everyday its only 30 secs away from my house so I’m very lucky and so is she in that respect.It will be strange having the house back to myself my brother will be moving out and my dad will be at his misses house you know that means though i can play my music as loud as i like! Its going to be a very important time in my life this next couple of months before christmas iv got so much i need to attend to, i keep doing that same old thing asking myself “the” questions,how am going to move forward from here..? Am i going to get out of this house now..? how can i use my time in the future more constructively..? I drive myself nuts when i start.

Although i feel like shit physically iv still been forcing myself to keep going with the exercise and its a good job i did because i don’t think id be in the head space I’m in now. I really do go in the squash court feeling like crap but always come out feeling great, iv been worrying about something happening when I’m playing its an age old worry of mine but once iv had a good game my mind soon shifts.I feel like I’m on a roller coaster ride at minute that never stops.Well iv not much planned for tomorrow so lets see what life has planned me i suppose…

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God bless you nan you are the strongest woman iv ever met i love you more than you could ever believe ❤

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Rising from the ashes………

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Right people iv not been on my blog for about a week and i feel its time for an update post because I’m in a bit better frame of mind not loads but better!!Iv gone back to the roots and got my body moving again with plenty exercise and iv been forcing myself to go out with the dogs for long walks and fresh air,oh the joys of long walks.Iv also been purchasing new music which has been quite refreshing too.Its funny how just a few changes can shift your mind and thoughts if only for a short while so iv learned that its about keeping it up or consistency.The hard part about that is keeping something up when the fear of dread kicks back in,and i challenge the strongest of people to try this because it can break anybody.

Im not quite sure where it all came from this time i was feeling so good but as another blogger messaged me with every high comes a low i think i was just blocking this out because i knew this.Iv been out and played footy tonight and i know when I’m not quite right because i worry about what if something happens during exercise and if you knew me then thats just stupid but you can’t stop sometimes thats what this silly mental illness does to you!The one thing i can’t stop thinking about at the minute is my chest and back pain its been really bad last 2 weeks haha i know its because I’m over anxious but when you get stuck in one thought because than when the dreaded the cycle begins.

Vicious-Circle

So where do go next?what do i do now?how do i push on through the barrier again and kick start this recovery shit?to be honest i don’t have a clue my minds been that deep in thought the last 2 weeks just to find a starting place is hard.I guess iv already started with the week iv just had and i need to just roll with it from here i don’t know any other way!I was reading my blog back yesterday and which started so well on such a positive note now i don’t know weather I’m coming or going.I did say it was going to be very honest with my blog to myself and i feel that iv done that.This blog was not set up for the likes but for myself,to help me move on.Iv not moved on that far because i set here and think about lung cancer at the minute with my chest i need to find that middle ground again but can’t seem to get a grip.

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That feeling of “a lump in your throat”can drive you insane……..

Here is something else i felt i really wanted to share with you guys,right at the beginning of my illness i first went see an ENT dr and the problem i went to see him for was i felt like i couldn’t swallow properly hence “like a lump in my throat”.I must have been to my GP about 10 times before he would send me to the ENT guy.My GP obviously was aware of my illness and what it can do,at this time it was bad because i had none of the knowledge i have now under my belt(CBT therapy,meds,exercise).When people say knowledge is power in some cases this is very true,i feel iv learned my way back out of my health anxiety buy building the mental knowledge to help me.Anyway the day comes when i finally get to the ENT appointment and i remember being very nervous this day because i was so sure i was going to get bad news i was riddled with anxiety!!So the nurse comes in the waiting room of this grand private hospital where i already feel out of my comfort zone because I’m not posh in the slightest in fact you couldn’t sound more northern than me if you tried!The DR says “come in sit down” a very tough moment in my life this guys one of the first medical checks i paid for because i was so sure in my mind again this is what a true health anxiety drives you to do!!So he proceeded to sit me down and explain what he was going to do after id told him the whole background of myself and let me tell you he didn’t look worried one bit.He proceeded to get his equipment out to do the job which was long thin camera he can put up my nose and back down my throat,sprayed some stuff up my nose to numb it a bit boom it was in before i even knew it,i could just feel him moving the end of it inside my throat another one of my very weird DR experience but these become that normal after this point i even got one DR to do CT scan of me once but thats another tale.Anyway he pulled the camera out give a wipe and put it away and we went back to sit at his desk,well you can imagine my heart pumping through my chest my mind thinking the worst.”Well scott i can’t see anything wrong its just a little red but to be expected in a smoker”At this point my heart sank and my head went into a total spin.how could this be??id been worrying about this for 6 months and i was 110% in my head that something was wrong,better Globus pharyngeus where do i go from now??.”scott you have condition Globus pharyngeus” which in simple terms mean the muscles in my throat were working out of time cause iv been swallowing more than i should.At this point my heads all over the place and i don’t really know whats going on its thats much of a shock then he said “because you’ve been worrying about it for so long you have been swallowing when not eating to keep checking it”boom he had hit the nail on the head,i had been doing that for a long time just swallowing with no drink or food(A form of self checking which is one of the most common things health anxiety suffered do,i did it all day everyday).It was like he had read my mind but i now know that i was the problem i should have listened to him and forgot about it.But here is the best bit i worried for another 6 months went to another ENT dr to be told exactly the same again not cheap let me tell you.So just to finish this blog i lost nearly 18 months of my life worrying over something that wasn’t there that dreaded “lump in my throat” that nearly sent me insane.i know its hard living with a severe health anxiety believe me i do but its important to try and listen to what these DR say the sooner you do the sooner you will start to feel better.Anyway good morning I’m off for a game of tennis today so keep positive people and enjoy your day.

Globus pharyngeus
This is the medical name for a lump in the throat. This is not a true lump in the sense of the word but is a sensation of having a lump or something similar in the throat.

It is an unpleasant sensation but is not usually an indication of anything serious although in some cases it can be a sign of an underlying condition.

Causes of globus pharyngeus
In many cases, the causes of globus pharyngeus are unknown. However, there are cases where the causes of this disorder are known.

These include:

Acid reflux
Stress and anxiety
Fragment of bone trapped within tissues which has caused a swelling.
To explain further: here is an explanation of the swallowing process and how globus pharyngeus occurs:

Food is chewed and broken down into manageable pieces before being swallowed via the throat. This travels down the oesophagus before passing into the stomach through a valve called the cardiac sphincter. This is located at the bottom of the oesophagus. There is a piece of muscle attached to the cartilage in the middle of the neck which also acts as a valve in that prevents food from coming back up the oesophagus and into the throat. This is also designed to stop gastric acid from entering the throat which is why this is a particular problem for people suffering with acid reflux.

But for whatever reason this muscle tightens unnecessarily which causes the feeling of a lump in the throat. If someone with this condition becomes anxious or frightened then it causes this muscle to tighten even more.

The problem with this is that stress or anxiety increases the production of chemicals and stomach acids which further exacerbate this problem.

Can this lump be seen by an observer?
This lump is not usually visible as it is more of a sensation than an actual physical lump. But, if you see a lump on either side of your neck or inside your mouth when you look in the mirror then see your GP.

This may only be a minor infection which has caused your glands to swell but in some cases it may indicate a condition which requires further investigation.

Symptoms of globus pharyngeus
The main symptom is that of a lump in the throat which can feel as hard as a walnut. This sensation is felt in the middle of the throat or even the chest area.

Other symptoms include:

Dry and/or sore throat
Hoarseness
This does not usually cause a problem with swallowing although some people find that they have to swallow more often than normal.

Treatment for globus pharyngeus
If this is caused by stress or anxiety then relaxation techniques and other forms of stress management will be recommended. It is difficult not to become tense or even more stressed when experiencing this lump which often leads to excessive throat clearing or swallowing. If you find that you are constantly clearing your throat or swallowing over and over again then try to avoid doing so. Look at ways of easing this tension which will take your mind off the problem.

Globus pharyngeus which is caused by acid reflux can be controlled by medical treatment. This will reduce the risk of further episodes of this annoying condition.

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